MARIAH CAREY PRINTED HER PREGNANT STOMACH

Despite retreating into seclusion since December, Mariah Carey felt the need to paint a giant butterfly on her pregnant stomach and share it with her four million Twitter followers. Also, she apparently refers to her unborn twins as “dem babies” which proves she really is married to Nick Cannon even though I’d bet cash money those kids don’t have a shred of his DNA. “Haha! Use your sperm. Oh, Nicholas, you always make me laugh. Now, wheel my dinner in. And, wait, why aren’t you wearing those white gloves I bought you? Or the top hat. Goddammit.”